Rewarding isn't it.

I was talking w/ my friend Lars the other day on my cell. She was mentioning how her sister was having some moments of insanity concerning her sisters teenage/adult children. I made a comment over the phone about how being a mother is the hardest job in the world. And in the back seat I hear my Tween Thing 1 say something to the effect about being a kid is actually the hardest job.

"Excuse me Lars, I need to go. It's time for a little heart to heart w/ Tween Thing 1. Click."

And so began my little logical speech about how being a kid is the one and only time in life that you have to worry about nothing.

Not only do I have to make sure that I have clothes, yet clean clothes on my body, but I also have to worry about whether two other people have clothes on their bodies.

Not only do I have to worry about my health, but I have to other people who I have to worry about their health too. Make sure they eat their vegatables and brush their teeth good.

Not only do I have to worry about what I'm going to eat that day, but I have to worry about how I'm going to provide food for two other people.

Blah, blah, blah.

I understand how it sucks that you can't always make your own choices when you're a kid and that control is not always yours, but there is a damn fine reason for that. If you make a wrong choice and break the law, guess who gets fined or put in jail.

Blah, blah, blah.

And I know you'ld rather stay at home and watch cartoon network all day instead of going to childcare, but not only will that totally mess w/ your brain waves, but CPS would be at our door.Blah, blah, blah.Life isn't fair when you're a kid. I get that. I try to give you choices where I can.

But at least you only have to worry about one thing and that's whether we'll be home in time to catch "Fosters home for Imaginary Friends."

I on the other hand have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I have to make choices on whether to buy a new pair of jeans for myself or pay the electric bill.

Welcome to my world.
I have the hardest job.
So there.
Complete silence.
My kids always seem to get it when I go off on my little logical speeches. I try to spare them the stress, but when I hear one little complaint, I tend to make my point very clear.

**************

After spending seven days with his father and the IL's, my Tween Thing 1 came back to me on Monday, a total asshole.
I had gone out Sunday evening for new school clothes and laid them all out on the bed for when they arrived home. We're talking Three pairs of new jeans, a few shirts, a new pair of shoes, new socks, new belt etc... and his reaction was like a slap in the face.

I could've strangled him.

I've gotten zilch from their father for the past year and I went out and bought all school supplies and then all those nice school clothes and "SLAP." And it wasn't even that he didn't like them. I told him he didn't have to like them. Whatever he didn't like I would take back.

Frankly, it just pissed me off.

But then I realized his attitude was a mirror image of his fathers. Selfish, negative, woe is me attitude.

And I think that's what I hated most.

I let it slide knowing that it wasn't really my Tweens fault. His father was the one bringing him down.

I let it slide because I know he's got a lot of new stuff going on. New house, new school, new friends, new families etc... I get it that the kid is going through a lot of changes.

So I let it all slide.I'll take the heat. I'll lighten the load. This is my purpose.
I tried Cookie Dough icecream.
I tried Eggo waffles.
I tried Robin Williams.
I tried Comic strips.
I tried late night Cartoon Network.
I tried tacos for dinner.
I tried letting them pick out their own new shoes.
I was almost exhausted. And then this morning...
Four days into our week, he flipped the switch.My light hearted, humorous, loving boy was back. Thank you PUFF!
He was all bright and shiny this morning. Laughing on our way to work.
He looked at me and grabbed my arm, "I love you. You're funny, mom."
I felt like doing a little dance.
The rewards are always greater.
I'll give him his space and let it slide as long as he always comes back to me.
Afterall, I'm on his side.

Poor Polo

My oldest son is totally into bugs and spiders and anything that crawls and has an exoskeleton. When we first moved out and back into my parents house, he started a spider collection. There were several baby food jars with nasty looking spiders in them. I really didn't have much to do with the collection, I hate spiders, but I allowed him to display them on his dresser.

He collected these two huge hairy spiders and named one Marco and the other Polo and let them share a habitat. Well, it didn't end so well for Polo. Marco ate Polo. For some reason I find that histerical!

Ha, Marco ate Polo. Ha!

I guess Polo didn't hide very well.
*********************

I was driving down the road the other day. Had the Things with me. Thing 2 was in the back seat eating his breakfast and just simply stated that there was a spider behind my head. Thing 1, who was sitting in the passenger side, casually glanced behind me to see. And then the horror struck him and he grabbed my arm and said "Oh my gawd mom." He had these huge eyes and all I could picture was a tarantula crawling up my neck. I panicked and leaned way forward. I probably swerved on the road, I really can't recall. I'm lucky I didn't black out. I turned off on the next road, jumped out of the truck and took a deep breath before I went spider hunting. I grabbed a tissue and swatted at the spider that had made a little web between the seat belt thingy and the head rest. He was hairy. He was creepy. He deserved to die. And that he did.

The whole time Thing 2 just sat there eating his pop-tarts.

I gave Thing 1 a lecture on how not to startle someone who is driving. He just said that he didn't want the spider to get in my hair.

I've got shivers up my spine just thinking about it.

Frozen Bever

I like to read the signs on my way to and fro.

I found one the other day - Actually it was pointed out by my Tween Thing 1 -

A pizza place sign that reads "Frozen Bever"

I think they mean "Frozen Beverages" but it still makes me laugh out loud every time I see it.

Gawd, if my Tween Thing 1 only knew... better off that he doesn't. Hopefully they change it before he catches on.

Frozen Bever. Bwahahaha! ah.

Juggernaut in the hood

Friday night was GNO. It has been seven months since the last GNO. That's a lot of laundry.

So we make it to this bar/pool hall/dance floor place that I absolutely abhore. It's in the hood. But only half the people wear shoes. We get our first drinks, sway to the beat of the cover band playing. And then all of a sudden I find myself alone. On the dance floor. Beside a big beef eater I called Juggernaut. He smiled at me and I swear I thought of that movie Hostel. Juggernaut wants to dance with me. Either that or wrap that thick pewter chain he's wearing around my neck and kill me. But I decide what the frell. I can dance with a Juggernaut in the hood, even if he is wearing a skin tight tank top. So I throw a little NATR head moves in there, and he bounces his pecks for me, which makes me smile and chuckle to myself. Is this guy for real? Yes. Yes, he thought he was. Gawd love em.

So the song ends and I go hunt down my BFF to kill her for leaving me on the dance floor all alonesome with Juggernaut. I inform her that she is indeed no longer my BFF. She loses. So of course she wants to make it up to me. So I say fine, she has to dirty dance with Juggernaut and then I'll be happy. I suddenly hear the words "save a horse ride a cowboy" and I insist that this is the song she must dirty dance with Juggernaut to and then we'll be friends again.

She does. She did. Except at first her and Juggernaut weren't close enough to satisfy me. Me and my partner in crime decide to move in. We attack from both sides. We push our bodies against my BFF so that she is forced to move in closer to Juggernaut... and then we leave. Misson accomplished. The BFF is now riding a seven foot, tank top, rope like chain, mullet wearing, peck bouncing, cowboy. We are friends again.

Oh, and we saw Kid n' Play at the same bar. Must've been movie star night out...

G.I. Jane smiles in the mirror

I happened to catch some of the best parts of that film G.I. Jane the other night.

I clicked on just as Demi has finished "Hell Week" and they are being dismissed for a little R&R.

They have the chance to "ring out" or quit.

A few soldiers, thoroughly exhausted and broken down, step up and ring a bell to signify that they quit.

Demi is the last soilder standing.

She frumps there staring at the bell.

It would be so much easier to quit; to go home and take a nice hot shower, to order a pizza and watch a movie, than to be beaten and broken.

So much easier.

Instead, she pulls out that pretty package of courage, that was hiding deep down inside for just such an occasion, and she walks right past the bell.

And what does she do then?

She takes the clippers to her hair. Oh yes, we all remember jar-head Demi.

She smiles at the mirror.

She knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, who is holding the Ace of Spades.

I got goose bumps. I smiled with her. I knew I would blog about clicking on to G. I. Jane. I've felt that broken before. So many times I just wanted to ring out. But what I realized when I saw Demi smile in the mirror, is that I felt that pride before as well.

Babe, just pull out that pretty package at the bottom of the bag, (the one labled "MEAN SOB")and go smile in the mirror.

Because, darlin, you are indeed holding the Ace of Spades. Walk on past that bell and go shave your head!

The lighter side

I had a conversation with my older brother the other night. Headlines are bothering him. We were, or I should say, he was discussing his place in life. Many people ponder Why, What and How we are supposed to live. As if it feels like there should be something more or we should be making more of an impact or significance. These things haunt us in our sleep. They hit us as we are driving down the Interstate. They keep us up at night. While it may be that my brothers purpose is to die a martyr in the apocolypse, I believe it is my purpose to lighten the load. It's my purpose to stop and smell the lilacs. My purpose is to point out the not so serious side of life. My kids think I'm a dork. I'm okay with that. I try to be weird any chance I get. My goal in life is to get my Tween Thing 1 to crack a grin. There's so much shit happening out there right now. So much stress and tension that weighs on our shoulders. I choose to just simply flip the switch and bring out the black light.

Here are some funnies to give you a chuckle-

I have this great T-shirt. It says "Gay? Fine by me." Simple statement. It just says I could not care either way. It was given to me by my Lars and I was dared to wear it around my mother who thinks all Goth people are gay. I haven't exactly worn it around my parents, BUT I was wearing it the other night when I noticed SLJ's mother and sister outside sitting in the swing. I galloped over to converse. It hit me about halfway across the yard that I was wearing my "Gay? Fine by me" shirt, but I shrugged and didn't really think it mattered. I'm not out to offend anyone, I'm just okay with how I feel. I wasn't trying to make a statement. I was just wearing a shirt and wanted to converse with the boyfriends family. Well, it got back to me a few days later that SLJ's mother and sister didn't really care for my shirt. SLJ and I had a good laugh over it and I called Lars up and had a few more good laughs over it. Take me as I am, or don't take me. Either way, you lose. Hee Hee.

Picture this. There I am at the lake with SLJ. We decide to go for a night ride on the boat. SLJ is taking forever trying to get the rear pole light to work. He's spent 20 minutes on it. Switching poles out, fiddling with the wires. It will only work if he holds it at a certain angle. Well, that's never going to work. I'm standing there on the dock day dreaming and contemplating how I'm going to enter the boat. Looks easy enough. Place one foot on the seat and then the other and then Viola. One would think. Somehow, and I blame Smirnoff, I had my left foot on the seat and my right foot in the water between the boat and the dock. I'm hanging by my left knee from the boat. I pull myself up on the dock and lay there laughing and wondering how the frell that just happened. It looked so easy. I have a nice bruise now on my right knee. SLJ and I decided that it was clearly a big sign with blinking lights that we should indeed NOT take the night boat ride. Not 10 minutes later did it start storming.

Speaking of signs; I like to read Church signs as I drive. I don't go to church. I just read the signs. Currently there is this Church sign that reads "Joint Services." I think I might start having to go to church.

I'm not good at haggling or bartering. It's not something I do. I was talking to one of SLJ's sisters about going to Garage Sales etc... and trying to talk people down on their price. Apparently she's pretty good at it. She was at a garage sale just the other day and found a blanket she just had to have. It didn't have a price on it. The owner said he wasn't going to sell it. But then asked, just out of curiosity, how much would she give for it. She said she wasn't comfortable bartering. The owner said he'd sell it to her for Five dollars. She said "How about Three." He said okay and then she said, "You got change for a Twenty?" Oh she's good. She's real good!

We've all seen those shirts that say "I'm with Stupid" and points to the person next to you. I really wanted Andi and I to wear shirts like that when we went on that amusement park trip with our now x's forever ago. I so badly wanted to wear a shirt that pointed to the STBX in the mass crowds. Well, my IT guy the other day said he thought of me on his drive into work. He said there was this lady driving beside him just singing away. Really gettin her groove on and belting out the verses. He chuckled and then as she passed him, he read her bumper sticker that said "I'm not with Stupid anymore." That's GREAT! The fact that she was gettin her groove on was even better.

I have this nephew I completely adore. He's this little toe-headed creep. He has that sweet and innocent look about him, but the kid is completely insane. That's why I love him. He loves his Aunt Tarol too! I remember in preschool him getting in trouble in the restrooms. Apparently he wouldn't come out of the stall for the teacher. Instead he giggled and went under stall to under stall and locked all the stall doors. I was pretty darn proud of him for that one. Then once when I was living with my parents still, I came home to find my mom was babysitting creep. He ran up to me to tell me all about his video game accomplishments. I mentioned that I had his birthday present to give to him since I had missed his party. I then got side-tracked and got busy talking to my parents and doing some other things. About an hour later, Creep comes up to me and says "Aunt Tarol, we need to talk a minute." So I follow his lead into the other room where he turns around with a stern look on his face and says "You mentioned something about a birthday present." I completely lost it. Creep just has a way of working you. He's completely insane and so very cool. Apparently his mother has banned him from all violent video games and TV. Come to find out him and another little boy broke a cats tail. Not sure how it happened, but neither one of them had been scratched.

I can't believe I'm telling you this, BUT the other day I had a blonde moment. I've got my own power tools. I know a lot more than the average person about remodeling. I can drywall with the best of them. Well, the other day I was hanging some things up on the kitchen wall. I was using my cordless drill to drive in a screw. But for some ungodly reason I just couldn't get the screw to go into the wall. I thought I must have hit a stud or a freakin pipe or something because no matter how much pressure I exerted on that drill, it just wouldn't go through the wall. So I did something I hate doing. I sucked it up and called SLJ in to help me out. I was clearly exhausted from my exertion and explained that I just couldn't get the screw to go in the wall. So he simply flips the little switch that directs whether the screw goes IN or whether the screw goes OUT of the wall. Zip, screw went right in. I looked very seriously at SLJ and said "We will not mention this again." He didn't even smile. He just handed me the drill and walked away.

And in other news. It's August. It's time to start planning my Halloween Party. I got SLJ's approval last night. I'm so stoked! I can hardly stand it. If you've never been to one of my Halloween parties then you're missing out! Halloween was kind of a let down last year, so I definitely plan on making up for it this year! I'm afraid SLJ doesn't know what he's getting himself into. Oh, he's seen the boxes of Halloween Decor, but he has not seen the transformation I go thru in October. Gawd help him.

So, I'm back.

So, I'm back. That week went way too freakin fast! Had a great time!

Came back to:
1. My house is sold. Closing on or before September 1st.
2. I rcvd a settlement check from insurance for the things that were stolen out of my storage unit back in April.
3. The final divorce papers are in process. We're ready to sign them as soon as the paperwork is done.

All good things! So why is it that I'm not all that excited?
1. I've waited over a year for the divorce and the house to sell. I can't afford to get excited now. Just in case. When I have a check in hand then I'll be excited.
2. I can't deposit my settlement check from insurance without the STBX. He actually has to okay that the check be deposited in my acct. It's only a big deal because it's an insurance settlement paid to the order of both of us and we no longer have a joint acct.
AND...the STBX actually demanded that he get a cut of MY settlement check.
Ha.
As if.
As far as I'm concerned, his demanded portion can buy new school clothes and supplies for his kids.
OR reimburse me for the 9 months I paid for his cell phone service.
OR reimburse me for the total support of his children that I have taken care of for the last year and he has not contributed a dime towards.
OR it can just simply reimburse me for my pain and suffering and the operation I had to get the hemrroid removed from my ass about a year ago.
And speaking of ass, that's exactly where he can stick his head because he isn't getting a dime of this check.
3. The STBX is NOW after all this time ready to expedite the divorce because he says that if we do not have a judges signature on our divorce papers that it will hold up the title work for the sale and/or prohibit him from buying something new. He says that he "could be homeless in a few weeks if we haven't signed divorced papers because it will affect his new mortgage approval."
Ask me if I care.
I am the epitomy of patience. I have mastered the art of "hanging."

So moral of that story is that I'm relaxed and I trust that things will happen in due time. I'm not going to get my panties in a bunch NOW because he is freaking out. I will celebrate when I have check in hand and I see my first child support check.

Back to my time away...
1. I wore my bathing suit 24/7. A 2-pc w/o hesitation and w/ a feeling of grace and beauty.
(Yes that's Dancer in her bikini. Not a care in the world. Accepting that she's beautiful and dancing freely.)
2. My friend Smirnoff only pushed me off the boat once. Gave me a bruise on my knee.
(Yes that's Dancer. One leg in the boat, one leg in the water. Can't get up. SLJ laughing his ass off while trying to save her.)
3. Even though I'm terrified to get my face under water, I can still "float."
(Yes that's Dancer. At the sandbar. Floating on her back. Holding her breath in her cheeks like a freakin baboon while SLJ chuckles to himself.)
4. We purused several antique malls and I walk away w/ a brass incense burner made in China. (Yes that's Dancer getting all giddy over the Cabbage Patch Cat named "Patches" that she used to have as a little girl and is now displayed in an antique booth.)
5. We went to see that movie "You, Me & Dupree."
(Yes once again, Dancer over there busting a gut laughing at Owen Wilson.)
6. We went fishing. We went for Bass but only nabbed a couple baby Blue Gill.
(Yes. Dancer. Casting her line right there in the sea weed. Damn.)

We had lots of fun! The weather couldn't have been better. We drank. We swam. We boated. We BBQ'd. We played hard and thought little.

We spent Saturday giving SLJ's (our) kitchen a face lift. His Ex liked apples. So bye-bye went the whole apple motif and hello-hello came the brown and black wrought iron scroll Mikasa motif. Kickin.
Apples. As if.
And I did it all under $80 including the antique wrought iron scroll work Mikasa set of dishes I found a year ago at the Goodwill store. Cause I'm a winner.