Rewarding isn't it.
I was talking w/ my friend Lars the other day on my cell. She was mentioning how her sister was having some moments of insanity concerning her sisters teenage/adult children. I made a comment over the phone about how being a mother is the hardest job in the world. And in the back seat I hear my Tween Thing 1 say something to the effect about being a kid is actually the hardest job.
"Excuse me Lars, I need to go. It's time for a little heart to heart w/ Tween Thing 1. Click."
And so began my little logical speech about how being a kid is the one and only time in life that you have to worry about nothing.
Not only do I have to make sure that I have clothes, yet clean clothes on my body, but I also have to worry about whether two other people have clothes on their bodies.
Not only do I have to worry about my health, but I have to other people who I have to worry about their health too. Make sure they eat their vegatables and brush their teeth good.
Not only do I have to worry about what I'm going to eat that day, but I have to worry about how I'm going to provide food for two other people.
Blah, blah, blah.
I understand how it sucks that you can't always make your own choices when you're a kid and that control is not always yours, but there is a damn fine reason for that. If you make a wrong choice and break the law, guess who gets fined or put in jail.
Blah, blah, blah.
And I know you'ld rather stay at home and watch cartoon network all day instead of going to childcare, but not only will that totally mess w/ your brain waves, but CPS would be at our door.Blah, blah, blah.Life isn't fair when you're a kid. I get that. I try to give you choices where I can.
But at least you only have to worry about one thing and that's whether we'll be home in time to catch "Fosters home for Imaginary Friends."
I on the other hand have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I have to make choices on whether to buy a new pair of jeans for myself or pay the electric bill.
Welcome to my world.
I have the hardest job.
So there.
Complete silence.
My kids always seem to get it when I go off on my little logical speeches. I try to spare them the stress, but when I hear one little complaint, I tend to make my point very clear.
**************
After spending seven days with his father and the IL's, my Tween Thing 1 came back to me on Monday, a total asshole.
I had gone out Sunday evening for new school clothes and laid them all out on the bed for when they arrived home. We're talking Three pairs of new jeans, a few shirts, a new pair of shoes, new socks, new belt etc... and his reaction was like a slap in the face.
I could've strangled him.
I've gotten zilch from their father for the past year and I went out and bought all school supplies and then all those nice school clothes and "SLAP." And it wasn't even that he didn't like them. I told him he didn't have to like them. Whatever he didn't like I would take back.
Frankly, it just pissed me off.
But then I realized his attitude was a mirror image of his fathers. Selfish, negative, woe is me attitude.
And I think that's what I hated most.
I let it slide knowing that it wasn't really my Tweens fault. His father was the one bringing him down.
I let it slide because I know he's got a lot of new stuff going on. New house, new school, new friends, new families etc... I get it that the kid is going through a lot of changes.
So I let it all slide.I'll take the heat. I'll lighten the load. This is my purpose.
I tried Cookie Dough icecream.
I tried Eggo waffles.
I tried Robin Williams.
I tried Comic strips.
I tried late night Cartoon Network.
I tried tacos for dinner.
I tried letting them pick out their own new shoes.
I was almost exhausted. And then this morning...
Four days into our week, he flipped the switch.My light hearted, humorous, loving boy was back. Thank you PUFF!
He was all bright and shiny this morning. Laughing on our way to work.
He looked at me and grabbed my arm, "I love you. You're funny, mom."
I felt like doing a little dance.
The rewards are always greater.
I'll give him his space and let it slide as long as he always comes back to me.
Afterall, I'm on his side.
"Excuse me Lars, I need to go. It's time for a little heart to heart w/ Tween Thing 1. Click."
And so began my little logical speech about how being a kid is the one and only time in life that you have to worry about nothing.
Not only do I have to make sure that I have clothes, yet clean clothes on my body, but I also have to worry about whether two other people have clothes on their bodies.
Not only do I have to worry about my health, but I have to other people who I have to worry about their health too. Make sure they eat their vegatables and brush their teeth good.
Not only do I have to worry about what I'm going to eat that day, but I have to worry about how I'm going to provide food for two other people.
Blah, blah, blah.
I understand how it sucks that you can't always make your own choices when you're a kid and that control is not always yours, but there is a damn fine reason for that. If you make a wrong choice and break the law, guess who gets fined or put in jail.
Blah, blah, blah.
And I know you'ld rather stay at home and watch cartoon network all day instead of going to childcare, but not only will that totally mess w/ your brain waves, but CPS would be at our door.Blah, blah, blah.Life isn't fair when you're a kid. I get that. I try to give you choices where I can.
But at least you only have to worry about one thing and that's whether we'll be home in time to catch "Fosters home for Imaginary Friends."
I on the other hand have the weight of the world on my shoulders and I have to make choices on whether to buy a new pair of jeans for myself or pay the electric bill.
Welcome to my world.
I have the hardest job.
So there.
Complete silence.
My kids always seem to get it when I go off on my little logical speeches. I try to spare them the stress, but when I hear one little complaint, I tend to make my point very clear.
**************
After spending seven days with his father and the IL's, my Tween Thing 1 came back to me on Monday, a total asshole.
I had gone out Sunday evening for new school clothes and laid them all out on the bed for when they arrived home. We're talking Three pairs of new jeans, a few shirts, a new pair of shoes, new socks, new belt etc... and his reaction was like a slap in the face.
I could've strangled him.
I've gotten zilch from their father for the past year and I went out and bought all school supplies and then all those nice school clothes and "SLAP." And it wasn't even that he didn't like them. I told him he didn't have to like them. Whatever he didn't like I would take back.
Frankly, it just pissed me off.
But then I realized his attitude was a mirror image of his fathers. Selfish, negative, woe is me attitude.
And I think that's what I hated most.
I let it slide knowing that it wasn't really my Tweens fault. His father was the one bringing him down.
I let it slide because I know he's got a lot of new stuff going on. New house, new school, new friends, new families etc... I get it that the kid is going through a lot of changes.
So I let it all slide.I'll take the heat. I'll lighten the load. This is my purpose.
I tried Cookie Dough icecream.
I tried Eggo waffles.
I tried Robin Williams.
I tried Comic strips.
I tried late night Cartoon Network.
I tried tacos for dinner.
I tried letting them pick out their own new shoes.
I was almost exhausted. And then this morning...
Four days into our week, he flipped the switch.My light hearted, humorous, loving boy was back. Thank you PUFF!
He was all bright and shiny this morning. Laughing on our way to work.
He looked at me and grabbed my arm, "I love you. You're funny, mom."
I felt like doing a little dance.
The rewards are always greater.
I'll give him his space and let it slide as long as he always comes back to me.
Afterall, I'm on his side.
posted by tiny dancer | 4:03 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, remember they are kids. Its not because they are like their Dad, or you, and it is because they are kids. They make some dumb decisions, and say things that hurt, things they regret and they need this time to learn.
You're being the best Mom you can be in a difficult situation, give yourself credit. Being a single Mom without help from your ex isn't any fun. Trust me, I know.
I like Gordy's 1st paragraph.
I remember all too well what it's like to be a kid, which is really a drag because I wish I'd remember the good, empowering stuff instead. I remember a fight I had with Oogie once and her question, What worries do YOU have?
The day she'd asked that, I'd been dumped by my boyfriend, had to call her (Oogie) to get back home, and had lost a writing contest. I think I was in the 10th grade at the time. What an awful day that was. Awful, awful, awful. I don't even want to imagine what it's like nowadays.
You're a good mom, though. We all know that. You know that. And so do your boys, even when they don't want to admit it. Sometimes the best you can do in bad, painful situation, is to be exactly who you are. So as long as you keep being you, everyone will be okay.
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