Tis the season, yanno, and all...

I'm finding myself closing in on the end of yet another year.
Time for reflections in the water.
And this time I see the true form of self smiling back.

Bridges have been crossed.
The flag of insecurity burned.
Stones thrown at glass houses.
The water has pushed past the rocks.
The abyss is just a dot in the far off distance and I am going the opposite direction.
I've danced naked in a sea of familiar faces.
I've sang my anthem loud.
Janis, Alanis, Ani, Macy, Tori and even a little Beck.
"Fuck you motherfucker..."
Bitterness is just a somewhat old familiar taste that I've washed down with my morning coffee.

And here I sit in the middle of this empty field.
Frost clinging to the leftovers.
The broken stalks of corn.
My nipples hard from the chill.
A big wide smile on my face.
Because perserverance is my middle name.
Unconditional love conquered the beast.
And I am free.

I've lost a lover, but I am grateful for unconditional love and men who love empowered women.
I've lost a family. I am grateful for acceptance.
I have lost a big black dog. I am grateful for loyalty.
I have lost my dream home. I am grateful for the understanding that "home" is in the heart.
I have lost my own childhood memorabilia and my childrens baby books. I am grateful for my past, memories I will never forget.
I have endured grief, an empty chest and an ice pick in my kidneys. I am grateful for love overflowing.
I've been called insane by the insane. I am grateful for faith and trust in myself.
I've hyperventilated. I am grateful for the abundance of breath I breathe today.
My children have hated me. I am grateful for their endless hugs and kisses.
I have cried myself to sleep often. I am very grateful for touch.
I have stared cancer in the face. It mocked me and called me a whore. I am grateful for my health.
I've felt very much alone. I am grateful for true friends. "Whatever I need, whenever I need it."
I have been on Prozac and know the depths of depression. I am grateful for strength and voice.
And this one is funny...I have been called a prude. I...I...just don't have a comeback for that one. Just a smile.
I have been called fat. I am grateful for fire.
I have ripped myself apart in the mirror. I am grateful for beauty.
After years and years of condemning the idea of suicide and calling it selfish...I have considered it. I was this close to slamming my car into a telephone pole. I am grateful for my future.
I have driven a car whose transmission could've fallen out at any minute. Whose turn signal never worked. I am grateful for guardian angels and my very first new car.
I've spent holidays alone. Nothing to do, nowhere to go. I am grateful for family and the hussle and bussle.
I have wanted so desperately to stay in bed all day with the covers over my face. I am grateful for the morning light.

This Thanksgiving, I have a lot to be thankful for and it just couldn't go without saying.