Panic attacks

I'm just a wee bit concerned. My son is playing "Mario" on the "Game Cube" and there's this "Chainchomp" thingy that honestly looks like a... um...butt bead. Who creates these characters anyways??

Ah, but that's not why I'm having a panic attack. I couldn't get to sleep last night because I'm trying to figure out what to wear for New Years Eve. I can't handle this stress! I have this really cute outfit to wear with my "Hooker Boots", but it's more of a "GNO" outfit, not a "NYE, Blind date" outfit. It's really cute though. Denim mini skirt, black leather hooker boots, army green short jacket over a lavender boob shirt... It's an awesome outfit...but it says "Prostitute" all over it. It's totally something I could wear to Babylon... so yeah, I've decided against it. Now, I'm back to square one. I so can't handle this stress. And it's not like I can ask anyone here for advice. If it was up to my dad, I'm sure I'd be wearing something that resembles a straight jacket. If it was up to my mom, I'd probably wear something with kittens or Tigger on it. If it was up to my kids...well, you get my point. I need help. This calls for a serious intervention.

Enough about that...I'm sure I've lost my only male reader by now. Hee hee.

So the end of this month has been pretty amazing. I've been reminising about all of my good friends and my family and how lucky I am to have such a great support system. I am very fortunate. I haven't had that overwhelming feeling of lonliness in a little while now. My friends have surrounded me. My friend, Smurphy, and I shared a Christmas Eve together. Trishy sent me a much needed and perfectly timed text message letting me know she loved me. My friend Taryn called me Christmas day just to say "Hey". Layli' called me from Iowa where she was spending time with her in-laws. My buddy Ray gave me a big hug before we left work and told me I was "the best X-Ray tech in the world." Andi flew all the way across the country for me...okay, so not just for me, but she took time out with her family to have lunch with me while she was here (and once again the poor soul listened to my "wine banter.") And that's just my friends... I am such a lucky girl. It's been a long time since I've felt this loved.

While talking to Andi over wine and fine italian, I reminised over where I was a year ago. I was in such a bad, dark place a year ago. It's amazing how much control I've taken over my life in the past year. It's amazing how much better life becomes when you pull the weeds and water the flowers from time to time. Andi said that it seemed like I'm "coming into my own." So it seems. Yeah me. Let's dance shall we?

So the STBX has forgiven me. Yup. Sent me another email letting me know I was forgiven. Great. Now I can so go on with my life now. WTF? So, I guess I should probably forgive him for going out and buying the boys the same Christmas gifts that I bought them, AFTER he called me to ask what I bought them. The nerve. Whatever. It doesn't really matter to me. I'm not letting anything he does get to me anymore. It seriously doesn't matter, it's like it's all bouncing right off of me. That means I'm healing right?

I took the in-laws out to lunch yesterday. It was our own little Christmas celebration. I'm really close to his grandparents. I've talked about them before. They are like my own and vice versa. The boys and I spent some time with the grandparents, the FIL and the SIL yesterday. It was just like usual. Nothing felt odd or missing. I didn't have a difficult time with it at all. And just as a side note: I assumed my SIL knew about the STBX's "friend"... but nope. No one knows about the friend, well, at least until yesterday they didn't. Oopsie. But my SIL asked if she could play some head games with the new friend when she finally does get to meet her. Ha. Um. Sure. Whatever you feel the need to do, it's out of my control. SIL said she'd probably make a few "oopsies" and call her "Carol." Ahhhh...that SIL, she's out of control and I might love it. I know, I know. It's terrible. But it's not like I told her to do it. It's out of my control and it's slightly funny.

Well, my mother has given me a list of chores to do today. No, I'm not kidding. So it seems that my computer time is up and I should get started on the chores if I want my allowance this week. We'll save that "I'm a grown woman" rant for another day...