I spy with my wandering eye

It's like going to a public place to "people watch." Here are some things I observed at my extended family Christmas event. (Names have been changed to preserve the ignorance of the innocent.)Aren't families fun!

I spy with my wandering eye:

1)Grandma putting on her "granny square sweater." A hand crochet sweater vest of multi-colors worn every year by my dear grandmother.
2)The biggest freakin' cheeseball ever made. For sure, we all gather at the bar for pounds of cheeseball and salsa. It really is an embarrassment. Cousin Greg very politely asked where the vegetables were. "Are you kidding me? We're meat and potatoes people. Most of us don't even know veggies don't come from a can."
3)Me, sitting in the corner swearing at myself because I forgot the alcohol.
4)Uncle Bark, legs extended, cheeks smashed in a pillow, snoring, while everyone else is looking for a place to sit. My boys had fun planting bows on his forehead and taking pictures.
5)Kristine, age 85, the "Nanny" of the family, one pant leg shorter than the other, telling wonderful stories about how all my aunts and uncles acted like idiots as kids.
6)Cousin Gris, built like shit brick house, lives in a comic book world where he is the ultimate superhero. After graduation he plans on walking from his house to my house... a whole state away. Thinks it should take him about 2 weeks.
7)Bubba, age 12, the foulest mouth in the mid-west. Also pyro-maniac: caught his mothers kitchen table on fire.
8)Cousin Liza, pissed off at the world and would rather be on her boyfriends Harley. Has to very loudly announce how she "ain't doin' dishes, cuz she did dishes at Thanksgiving." Great, now that we have that settled, how bout we just load the dishwasher.
9)Uncle Benny, Baseball fa-na-tic! Did you know his baseball team went to finals at somewhere and somewhere this year? Beer and baseball this, Beer and baseball that.
10)Aunt Nebbie, sweetheart of a gal. Head of the OB ward at the local community hospital. Was pretty mortified when she found out I was pregnant at seventeen...how on earth would she show her face around the OB ward, A WHOLE STATE AWAY?
11)My dad, 350 lbs in a lime green T-shirt, deaf in his left ear and can't hear worth a shit. Plants himself in the lazy boy from the time we get there till the time we leave. My saving grace at these fun family get togethers.
12)De Lajola, age 20, The hot Mexican boyfriend of cousin Lendys. All the women in the house say "yummy". Of course I've been there and done that, no Mexican cuisine for me thanks...I'd rather have a nice Jewish boy and skip this whole Christmas thang(that one's for you Chuck. Winka winka.)