Easy Peasy

I bought new fingernail polish and couldn't decide which color I liked better so I painted one foot pink and the other coral. Problem solved.

I'm buying a new car! With the proceeds from the sale of my house, I have paid off a few bills and have decided to buy a new, brand new vehicle. I've never had a brand new vehicle before. SLJ's father is a dealer so we went to see him on Saturday. I test drove an Impala, Torrent, G6 and Malibu. Decided on the Malibu. I really liked the body style of the G6, but when I was driving it, I was so uncomfortable and claustrophobic that I actually started getting reflux. I quickly decided that a G6 was not for me. But I'm thrilled that I am so in-tune with my body that I identified the anxiety that driving that car caused me. The Malibu was my favorite and most comfortable and I can get into for payments under what I'm paying now on my 7 year old Jeep and save gas money and have a warranty if my tranny or turn signal decide to fail. SOLD! SLJ's father is looking around for the color I want and the best deal.I wasn't very excited at first. I've been waiting over a year for this. I've been dealing w/ a slipping tranny and a occasionally operable turn signal and bad rotors for a while now. I didn't want to sink any more money into that Jeep after new tires, new water pump and new front end. I just couldn't sink another penny into it without crying. So I waited. And waited. And poured a little tranny honey in. And waited. And finally, the house sold, and I'm test driving new cars. It was surreal. After figuring out exactly what I wanted, crunching a few numbers, and telling SLJ's father to find it, it finally sunk in. I'm getting a NEW, new car. With a warranty. And better gas milage. And NEW. And it just struck me this very instant, that I'm doing it on my own. Per se. I'm getting a great deal because of SLJ's parents, but it's totally me. I had SLJ with me and did ask his opinions and relied on his engine knowledge, but in the end...I'm getting whatever I want and nobody is saying different. It's my pocketbook, it's my gift to myself after 12 years of marriage and financing 2 houses. I'm not saying I've ever done without. I haven't. But this time it's different. There's a freedom in it and it feels like a good thing instead of a burden. I've had such bad luck shopping for cars and then repairs etc... This time, it's all taken care of. Finally something easy.

I watched the film "Friends with Money" last night. Total chick flic. I loved it. It gave me goose bumps and tears over and over again. It's about 4 middle aged friends and the dynamics of their marriages or lack of. I recommend it to any divorcee. I identified with the bullshit and I also identified with the passion and lonliness and depression too. It's a well versed film about true love and life. As I was watching the film, I remembered that awful feeling of being so alone I used to have. And the weird part was, I wasn't. I shared the house and my life with another human being but we were so disconnected at most times that it always felt like I was so alone. I recalled an intanst several years back, where I was folding laundry and the STBX walked in the house after work. Walked in the front door just a few feet beside where I sat folding laundry. I think I might've gotten a "Hi" and then poof he was gone doing something else. It felt like I was invisible. I remember that instant where I actually thought to myself "I need some attention. I need to feel touch. A little spark. Something. I need to feel wanted. There's something missing." That was several years ago. But this movie made me recall it for whatever reason. I just find it interesting. I thought it was me. That whole time I thought there was something wrong with me. If I could just fix it. I'm still processing it. I have a 3 day minimum process time. There's been a lot of reminders lately about how things used to be. All I can say at this point is that I have come a long long way. And I'm so proud of myself for identifying and processing these old emotions. I can do it now from a different perspective. I'm not in it anymore. I can see it directly for what it was. It amazes me people actually "sleep" thru that sort of stuff and pass it off as "normal." Simply amazes me.

Things that will cause me years of therapy:
1. Born and raised on Willie Nelson and Kenny Rogers. Once in a blue moon I find myself going back to my roots. You betta count yah money when ya sittin at the ta-ble...
2. Seeing an ostrich make a BM at the zoo. It's like a giant glob of bird poop. It's really not pretty.
3. Pulling eaten string out of Mikethedawgs ummm...yah.
4. Kicking my brother in the balls. My first and only death threat thus far. I slept with my bedroom door locked that night.
5. Coffee flavored cola. Don't do it man.
6. At work I was doing a CT on a child, I turned to speak to her parents behind me and they were making out. It scored a 10 on the OMG that's gross scale.
7. My dad farted in the grocery store when I was in middle school. Mortified. I'm really suprised I still speak to him.
8. I had a dance routine to "Baby got back."
9. Girl scout camp. Girls are almost as stupid as boys.
10. Precious Moments figurines. Creepy.
Tag. You're it.