The bad box

Expanding further on the bad box of chocolates. (I may sooo get in trouble for this, but it's not my fault they're bad.) Besides, Kris started it and now I'm on a roll.
1. The Asshole Chocoalte. Something about that chocolate just seemed so good. For the life of me, I can't remember what exactly, but I'm sure there must've been something. It was always kinda bitter a little on the shallow, I mean sour, side. But Hey! Sour's not so bad. It could be worse. So you stick with the sour chocolate. You try to always look past the sour. You try to enjoy it. You try to savor it. Then one day the sour turns to a very distinct flavor of asshole. (Not that I know what asshole tastes like. I can't get past the smell. Not that I sniff it either. Hey! Leave me alone...I'm in the medical profession. I know what asshole smells like okay.) Anyways, sour turns distinctly to asshole. Asshole chocolate thinks that it's the best thing since sliced bread. Asshole chocolate is never wrong. Asshole chocolate makes you feel like, well, shit. Asshole chocolate makes you want to slam your Jeep into a light pole. Asshole chocolate makes you want to burn the garage down. Asshole chocolate is indeed not very good. So you spit it out. Rinse and gurgle a few times and move on.
2. The String Cheese Chocolate. The String Cheese chocolate is an old friend that you run into every now and again. It's a very pretty chocolate. You could easily see yourself savoring this chocolate for a long time. String Cheese Chocolate likes to shop. In fact it likes to shop more than the average chocolate of the opposite sex. It has more clothes in it's closet than anyone you know. It also has six bars of smell good soap in it's shower and sleeps on flowered sheets. But you look past it. String cheese isn't so bad. But then finally the taste of the string cheese along with the milk chocolate finally hits the wrong taste bud. Nasty. What on earth were you thinking? String cheese and chocolate? As if. So you spit that one out too. Rinse and gurgle a few times. After a short pause you go back to the box of chocolates. You know Caramel is in there somewhere.
3. Which brings you to the Chocolate on Chocolate. You take a little nibble. Mmmm. Das good no? Chocolate on chocolate is attractive. Chocolate on chocolate is very stable. Chocolate on chocolate has a good job. You wonder if maybe it's chocolate on chocolate you've been craving. But then chocolate on chocolate tells you it's kinda stuck on someone else. Ohhh. Right. If it's too good to be true then it probably is. But you only took a nibble so maybe you'll go back for more later.
4. In the meantime you find The Cock Chocolate. I mean The Hot chocolate. (heh heh heh) Hot chocolate talks the good talk. For some reason he has made you think he's romantic. Makes you think he's stable. Hot chocolate knows the art of phone sex. Yuppers. Hot chocolate can make you cum on the phone. Whoa. (TMI?) So you bite into Hot chocolate hoping for a little caramel and...wait what's this...Hot chocolate has turned into curdled, discolored milk. Um. GROSS! Spit it out! You may come back to Hot chocolate and nibble at the corners a bit. You're not sure yet. You're still not over the whole phone sex thing. That was fun. As long as you keep in mind that there is definitely curdled, discolored milk inside you should be okay.

This whole time you're thinking about The Caramel Chocolate. You want it so bad you can taste it. You've had a nibble of The Caramel Chocolate, but you're forbidden to sink your teeth into it. You pray that there's maybe more than one in the box. Ug. You pray "Please, please don't let that be the only Caramel Chocolate." You think about that first Caramel chocolate ALL THE TIME. It promises there's another in the box. It's says it's really not all that good. (It only says that because it's been beaten down so bad.)

Anyways...you hold out hope for another Caramel Chocolate. You know you'll get it one day. But it really sucks that you have to go through all of the other bad chocolates to find it.

Let's chalk it up to a learning experience shall we?
So far you've learned that you shouldn't settle for sour. Sour turns to ass. You need to put ass in it's place.
You've also learned that if a chocolate has six bars of smelly good soap in it's shower and shops more than you do than it's probably really string cheese. Don't go there. See the warning signs.
You then nibbled on chocolate on chocolate. You learned how to back off and protect yourself from any possible harm there. I'm very proud of you for that one. Very proud. You might even be rewarded with another nibble or two from chocoalte on chocolate.
Then, you learned that some chocolates worlds revolve around their cock. You made a few mistakes, but that's okay, you're learning. No biggie.l You did learn the art of phone sex.

At this point, you're not frustrated. You're kind of laughing about the experiences you've had w/ chocolate. You're somewhat disappointed, sure, but as long as you keep rinsing and gurgling, you'll do just fine. You may even publish a self help book one day on bad chocolates.