Ya never know what you're gonna get
So there are a lot of people out there that wanna know what it's like to be dating. I've actually never gotten as many comments in my blog until I opened up about the online dating thing...wow. So I'm here to tell ya...it sucks. No need to live vicariously...please don't waste your time.
One of my friends and I'll refrain from saying who (you know who you are w/ your bag of condoms you closet ho)...thought it would be like a box of chocolates...all that selection w/ tiny morsels of yummy stuff inside them. Ha! It's more like this:
A lovely wrapped box almost too perfect to unwrap. Such a pretty bow. You can smell the chocolate from the outside. Mmmm. Can't wait. Want chocolate sooo bad. Mmmm. Must have chocolate. So you unwrap and take the lid off and there is all of these yummy looking chocolates. Oh so yummy looking. Which one? Sometimes there's a map. Caramel filled lower right hand side. Sometimes you just have to stick your finger in the middle to find out what's inside. You finally make a selection. Ohhhh how you've been craving this one. Yummy. You've fantasized about it for weeks. It's haunted your dreams. It's called your name. You've finally found it.
You pop it in your mouth. You savor the deep dark chocolate on the outside. Mmmm. Not bad, but you really want what's inside. Caramel. You want the combination of the smooth dark chocolate with the yummy, oozy caramel. You bite and oh...what's this. Odd. Not exactly... Yuck, WTF? This isn't caramel this is more like string cheese. MOLDY string cheese. Whoa! Not good. Can't spit it out fast enough. That was some nasty shit. Someone made a huge mistake. So you rinse your mouth out with a little water. Ready to make your next selection. Let's go with the chocolate covered cherry this time. Upper left corner. Gawd, you so can't wait. Especially after that first very disappointing let down. You're still a little apprehensive from that. A little fearful of the string cheese. But you suck it up and you keep hope alive and you pop it in your mouth. Mmmm. Milk chocolate this time. So smooth. So yummy. So right. So you go ahead and bite cause you really want that cherry chocolate mixture. Ohhh. Shit. WTH? That. Tasted. like bologna. You can't get it out fast enough. How on earth did you get this funky box of chocolates? You really must have done something wrong to deserve this one. Whoa. You quickly decide that your craving for chocolate is finished. No more. Can't do it. But instead of throwing the box away, you save out hope and you set it in the fridge instead. You'll keep it just in case. So a couple of months go by and the beautiful box of chocolates has made it to the back of the fridge. You are sitting on the sofa one day and suddenly hit with a craving for chocolate. You NEED chocolate. You remember that beautiful box in the back of the fridge. You've amazingly enough have forgotten about the string cheese and bologna. You pop off the lid. Peruse the selection. You pick the other caramel centered one. Mmmm. How you deserve this. You've been waiting your whole life for this one. You pop it in your mouth. You savor the deep delicious dark chocolate. You can't wait any longer. You bite into it...and it hits you. You remember the string cheese. You remember the bologna. How stupid. How could you forget. You must have had brain surgery to remove that vital part. You could smack yourself stupid. How could you let this happen? Again. Come on. But this time you've really done it. This time you got tomato juice. Ack. Pluck. Barf. Gag. WTF? Once agian you rinse your mouth out. But do you learn your lesson and just throw the box away? NO. You hold out hope. You save it for next month. And next month you open the lid to hard, MOLDY, chocolates that have had a finger stuck in them. Why can't you just throw that damn box away? I'll tell you why...because you crave chocolate and you hold out hope that one day your fantasy will come true. One day you'll get caramel and it will be the best ever! One day...
And that, my friends, is what dating is all about. So I suggest that if you found your caramel...savor it honey. Let it roll around on your tongue. Let it melt. Taste it. Love it. And let me know who the hell manufactured it because I got the wrong box.
Ps...Andrew the fireman is good. Caramel? Well I don't know about that yet... But the milk chocolate coating is yummy so far. It's too soon to bite down. I'm a little apprehensive after the asshole chocolate I had last year.
Dancer out.
One of my friends and I'll refrain from saying who (you know who you are w/ your bag of condoms you closet ho)...thought it would be like a box of chocolates...all that selection w/ tiny morsels of yummy stuff inside them. Ha! It's more like this:
A lovely wrapped box almost too perfect to unwrap. Such a pretty bow. You can smell the chocolate from the outside. Mmmm. Can't wait. Want chocolate sooo bad. Mmmm. Must have chocolate. So you unwrap and take the lid off and there is all of these yummy looking chocolates. Oh so yummy looking. Which one? Sometimes there's a map. Caramel filled lower right hand side. Sometimes you just have to stick your finger in the middle to find out what's inside. You finally make a selection. Ohhhh how you've been craving this one. Yummy. You've fantasized about it for weeks. It's haunted your dreams. It's called your name. You've finally found it.
You pop it in your mouth. You savor the deep dark chocolate on the outside. Mmmm. Not bad, but you really want what's inside. Caramel. You want the combination of the smooth dark chocolate with the yummy, oozy caramel. You bite and oh...what's this. Odd. Not exactly... Yuck, WTF? This isn't caramel this is more like string cheese. MOLDY string cheese. Whoa! Not good. Can't spit it out fast enough. That was some nasty shit. Someone made a huge mistake. So you rinse your mouth out with a little water. Ready to make your next selection. Let's go with the chocolate covered cherry this time. Upper left corner. Gawd, you so can't wait. Especially after that first very disappointing let down. You're still a little apprehensive from that. A little fearful of the string cheese. But you suck it up and you keep hope alive and you pop it in your mouth. Mmmm. Milk chocolate this time. So smooth. So yummy. So right. So you go ahead and bite cause you really want that cherry chocolate mixture. Ohhh. Shit. WTH? That. Tasted. like bologna. You can't get it out fast enough. How on earth did you get this funky box of chocolates? You really must have done something wrong to deserve this one. Whoa. You quickly decide that your craving for chocolate is finished. No more. Can't do it. But instead of throwing the box away, you save out hope and you set it in the fridge instead. You'll keep it just in case. So a couple of months go by and the beautiful box of chocolates has made it to the back of the fridge. You are sitting on the sofa one day and suddenly hit with a craving for chocolate. You NEED chocolate. You remember that beautiful box in the back of the fridge. You've amazingly enough have forgotten about the string cheese and bologna. You pop off the lid. Peruse the selection. You pick the other caramel centered one. Mmmm. How you deserve this. You've been waiting your whole life for this one. You pop it in your mouth. You savor the deep delicious dark chocolate. You can't wait any longer. You bite into it...and it hits you. You remember the string cheese. You remember the bologna. How stupid. How could you forget. You must have had brain surgery to remove that vital part. You could smack yourself stupid. How could you let this happen? Again. Come on. But this time you've really done it. This time you got tomato juice. Ack. Pluck. Barf. Gag. WTF? Once agian you rinse your mouth out. But do you learn your lesson and just throw the box away? NO. You hold out hope. You save it for next month. And next month you open the lid to hard, MOLDY, chocolates that have had a finger stuck in them. Why can't you just throw that damn box away? I'll tell you why...because you crave chocolate and you hold out hope that one day your fantasy will come true. One day you'll get caramel and it will be the best ever! One day...
And that, my friends, is what dating is all about. So I suggest that if you found your caramel...savor it honey. Let it roll around on your tongue. Let it melt. Taste it. Love it. And let me know who the hell manufactured it because I got the wrong box.
Ps...Andrew the fireman is good. Caramel? Well I don't know about that yet... But the milk chocolate coating is yummy so far. It's too soon to bite down. I'm a little apprehensive after the asshole chocolate I had last year.
Dancer out.
posted by tiny dancer | 10:55 PM
4 Comments:
Hmmmm. how can I put this?
1st. Chocolates generally dont like fingers being stuck in them.
2nd. The maps in those boxes are never correct.
3rd. well there isnt really a 3rd, but just keep your eyes open.
Okay well what about cheating and just nibbling off a corner instead of a HUGE CHUNK each time?
::ducking::
Well that way you'd know if there was boogers on the inside.
That's what I used to do because I hated the fruity nougat junk. (gag!) Bite the little corner, look and see what's inside, and if its nasty leave it the box for the next victim. Hee.
Now, did you want the colored kind, or the glow-in-the-dark ones?
=) kris
Hmmm...
I met my boyfriend online.
Whatever works. ;)
Ha, I once got a box of chocolate for some volunteering thing i did with my boyfriend. Remembering last years chocolates were horrid, I made the smart decision of letting him eat them first =D I do believe one was "eggnog." Now that was not to pleasant ._."
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