Metaphoric life

I can't concentrate. I just want to play. I have all of these tidal waves of emotions and I just can't function properly. I am so very out of my comfort zone. I have no constants in my life right now. The only contant I have is my job and even that will be changing soon with this new business venture. The new business scares the hell out of me. I crave change, but I'd like it in smaller doses. Not everything at once. I think I'm handling it well though. I'm trying to stick to a routine. On Mondays and Weds. I come home to the boys and we do homework and snuggle and read. On Tuesdays after work, I spend time with my friend working on the new business. On Thursdays after work, I go out for dinner and drinks with one of my friends. I have a schedule, but somehow it just doesn't seem like enough. I am missing a home. A haven. A sancuary. I am missing my things. This must be what it feels like for the military men and women over seas. Everything is temporary. I'm married, but I'm not. I'm just waiting for it to end, so something can begin again. I need to find myself a different vehicle, but I can't do anything about it while the divorce is in process. I just feel so "not together." I feel so out of sorts. I feel like I don't have any choices or free will. I feel like I'm just waiting. I'm trying to make the best of everything. I am not feeling sorry for myself, but I am very frustrated. Alright already, somethings gotta give. Something has to start flowing soon. My sweater is unraveling. Or maybe my sweater has completely unraveled and I'm just searching for the right color of yarn to crochet a new one. That's it. I'm vulnerable. I'm exposed. I'm trying to make the most beautiful sweater. The exact sweater I want, but I can't find the right color of yarn. In the meantime I'm learning how to feel comfortable while naked and cold. I am Linus while his blanket is in the dryer. I am completely and utterly out of my comfort zone. I know that the best time for personal growth is exactly when we are out of the comfort zone. I'm growing, I am. I am just really really cold and naked. I am scared to death, but I am not letting fear get the best of me. I keep putting on those hooker boots and dancing away. I keep smiling. I keep hope alive. I am not a quiter. I know that this will just make me appreciate the miracles that await that much more. I know this. I feel like it's right around the corner and I just can't see it yet. I feel like I'm running a relay. I'm the next runner waiting for the pass of the baton. I can almost feel it being slapped into my outstretched palm, but it's just not there yet. Come on. As soon as I have that baton, I will shoot around the bend in the track like a rocket. I will win this race, if I could just get that baton. I'm anxious. I'm ready to go. I'm just waiting for my turn.