MARCH MADNESS

Interesting weekend.

I had an appointment with my divorce attorney on Friday. We reviewed the divorce papers together and agreed on all the changes I wanted to see made. A letter will go out to the STBX's attorney with proposed changes and so now I wait once again for further instructions. I hate this waiting stuff, but I'm pretty good at it at this point. My attorney had me on a high note and laughing before I left his office. I'm grateful for him. I love the above and beyond kindness he possess.

I had my very first Tarot reading on Friday too. Interesting stuff there. New revelations. Always something new. I've been thinking about it all weekend. Some important things that were relayed that I feel like sharing with this particular group of people...The thing about Tarot is that you're not going to find out anything new that you don't already know or believe. My reading was basically just a confirmation of things I'm already realizing. I asked a lot of questions was given answers that I already know in my heart. Basically my reading confirmed that this spring and summer will be a very busy one for me. A cleansing. A re-structuring if you will. Lots happening this spring.
Here's just a few things that stand out that I think we can all relate to.
1) Once a jerk, always a jerk until that person decides that they themselves don't want to be a jerk. Nothing I can do about it. I can only let go and move on. Often, that persons greatest gift will be to have met me. Realize this.
2) Negativity. The moon and stars only shine when it's dark out. Flip the perspective. Going from the mantra of "That's not okay" to "This is okay because..." When a child has had an encounter with a bully on the bus...it gives that child the chance to shine and be proclaimed as "the nice kid." Flip the perspective. It's that easy.
3) I don't have to agree. And when someone does or is doing something I don't agree with, be thankful that they are the ones doing it because now, I don't have to be the one doing it. Bow out.
4) Everything that I have been taught in the past can be untaught. I know and believe what is right for me. It's time to live in my beliefs. As a pisces, I have an internal switch, I can flip it at any time. Just need to learn how to flip it.
5) I don't necassarily want to be the example to my children on how to say "I'm not okay with this." I want to be the example on "how to be happy." Doing things to be happy rather than doing things because it's not okay. It is okay. It's exactly how it's supposed to be and I can see the stars shine because of it.
I'm not saying that I didn't have to go through that period of time when I found my voice...I had to go through that. I found my voice, I see what's right. It's time to move on with it. Voice is here to stay. It's not going anywhere. I won't lose it. It's time to realize what I believe as truth versus what I was taught to believe as truth, and just simply be happy. The old Dancer is not coming back. Jerks will look at me and not recognize me because how can I possibly be this happy? I can be this happy because "I'm okay with this." "It's okay."
I hope this speaks to you like it spoke to me. Constant states of change. Series of evolution. The journey...on.

I spent the weekend with SLJ. It's constantly amazing me how you can be in a relationship and learn so much about yourself thru the other person. It's a reflection, I know, I know.

I met his STBX wife Saturday. Sure I was a little anxious. Anxious but very willing. It went smoothly. In that scenario I saw a lot of things that I am. I am unflappable. I am proud. I am beautiful. I am confident. I am a gawd damned good mother. (Those are things I never knew until she showed them to me.)

I met his parents Sunday. I wasn't anxious about that at all.

The thing that I get the most when I'm with SLJ...there are truly just some people who do "get it." He gets it. He gets me. I don't have to explain myself or drive a point home...he just simply gets it. He sees me and he knows me. And there are some people who can laugh right along with you, even if you don't know what the hell you're laughing about. There are some people that you can just fall to the floor and laugh, and they will be right beside you laughing with you. It's really nice. Really, really nice. No judgements...there's a new thing.

Another thing that popped up this weekend...Remember that whole chaotic deal back in December with DK? I was 99.9% positive DK had "hooked up" with one of my co-workers. I didn't have proof...I just had coincidence and a gut feeling. Well, Thursday my gut feeling was confirmed. Proof. DK walked straight into the office I work at and brought her a rose. It's been going on since December.
Not only that...but he tried to come back to me for a friend. He called me 10 times on Sunday. He was unstable. He needed someone to talk to. The last time I talked to him he yelled at me and hung up on me. I said no. I'm sorry, but NO ONE gets to yell and scream at me, call me unstable, lie to my freakin face and then come back when they need a friend. It doesn't work that way.

The old Dancer...she's gone. The new Dancer is here to rock the house and I will give your responsibility right back to you.

Giddy up.

Yes. Yes I do believe my hands are finally untied. Dancing freely now.