An open book

I don't particuarly pray. I don't get on my knees or fold my hands. I don't bow my head. I don't close my eyes. I don't acknowledge the power of prayer. It reminds me of that childrens prayer book I had as a child with the little precious moments character being revert. It just seems hokey. I just don't do this. BUT, I did this a few weeks ago. I felt the need to acknowledge a higher power. And you have no idea how difficult it is to admit it here. "Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door will be opened." I knelt by the bed that afternoon, closed my eyes, folded my hands and I asked for something that my heart truly desired. Weird thing is...I received it. And I truly believe in the power of prayer. My mind and my heart has been fulfilled. Just thought you should know that.

On Friday I cooked a dinner for my parents to share. My mom didn't really want to cook and my dad was due home from work in about an hour and would be famished. So I whipped up a little dinner for the two of them. I pulled out my moms fine china and set the table. I lit a candle. I served them. It's really in the little non-difficult things we do. It's the details that get overlooked in life. It's the napkin rings that make up some of lifes special moments. It's the being happy with who we are and what we have and sharing that with the ones we love.

The STBX and I had our taxes done on Friday. No big deal. The weird part was...it wasn't weird. We sat 2 inches from each other, worked together, agreed on everything, looked at each other without eyes of anger and spite and got our taxes done. I actually thought about bringing him a latte from the coffee shop that morning, but decided against it. I'll share my little joys with someone I love and someone that could appreciate it on the same level. I'll do my taxes with him, but I won't bring him joy anymore. That's not in the job description and I'm okay with that.

Here's another secret...I like NASCAR. I knooooow...WTF? But yah, I do. I watched my first race yesterday. All of it. I even got mad at Tony Stewart because he was being less than becoming. There's a whole new world out there when you open your eyes to the possibilities.

I have a great sense of direction. Well, not so much when I've spun around the room a zillion times with my arms straight out...then I'm a little off the mark. The thing about the Mid-West...County roads all look the same. There's a million white farm houses, a million corn fields that all look the same and every yard has DISH and Free Kittens...but somehow, I always know where I am and how to get where I'm going. I may not know how to structure a written goal...but I know what I want and I know how to get there.

There's only one work by Pablo Picasso that I like. And it happens to be my favorite work of art. I enjoy Monet and Van Gogh, but that one work by Picasso is what captivates me. Guernica. I think it's all the chaos and hidden images. It's like the ID spilt out on a plate and you see something different each time.

I think Goth is cool. I only dress Goth-like on certain occasions, but I love all these little teenagers in their black clothes, silver jewelry and dyed hair. I adore it. But I wear pink and turquoise...it works better w/ my undertones.

Give me a plain black or blue paper mate med. pt. any day. Let's just keep it simple and on the page.

I'm allergic to chocolate. I eat it anyways. 70% is best. I also like it w/ almonds.

There are a lot of things I deeply care about. But there are a lot of things I really don't give a flyin fuck about. One of those things being the fact that some people want me to change. I'll tell you now. I won't change into something you want me to be. I won't do something you think I should do. I will only change when I feel the need to. I will only do something I want to. I really don't care what you think I should be or do. I just don't and I don't feel that I should.

My kids say "Yes ma'am." They have since they were little. I do not tolerate the word "no." I am the mother. My children know I deeply love them. There are no questions about being loved in my house. Nor, will there ever be again. I will let you go if you do not know the meaning of love.

I do a Napoleon Dynamite impression. It's usually reserved for my kids at bedtime.

I didn't love him. I adored a lot about him, but I didn't love him. I would have given him my right testicle, but I wouldn't "live" for him. I simply did not love him.

I was not faithful. But I do not regret anything. I learn. I move on. I don't make the same mistakes twice. It doesn't make me a bad person. It just makes me a person who cannot judge others actions.

I think I have a beautiful body. And I enjoy dancing naked. I adore DOVE for their campaign.