In my opinion

Evidentally I have a calling.
I have been told I communicate well.
I give it out honestly. I will not tell you what you want to hear. I will tell you what you need to hear, but I will do it in a way that respects and loves. I will not judge. I can't judge. I just can't. No matter what you're feeling, it's valid. I will try to help you step away from the situation and I will try to help you flip the perspective. I will not tell you what you want to hear.

DK made contact again yesterday. After several unanswered calls and messages left on my voicemail, my curiosity got the best of me. What was going on and why after 3 months was he calling me? If anything, I needed to just simply let him know he wasn't allowed back in.

My instinct told me that it was something about K. K is the co-worker that I introduced to DK when I was dating him. K is the co-worker that acted like my friend. K is the co-worker that I believed hooked up with DK behind my back. Like I said, I didn't have confirmation of that until last week. So, after several phone calls from DK, and before I answered any of them, I decided to confront K. I went right up to her desk and when I asked to speak with her for a minute, she instantly knew what it was about.

Without apology, she quickly filled me in on how they had been seeing each other for the past 3 months and now DK was out of control and stalking her. (Keep in mind that K is not stable either. This is not the first "stalker" K has had. I'm not entirely sure how many restraining orders K has out there on men who have "stalked" her...but I do know they exist.)

So DK has found himself in a pickle. He has fallen madly in love with K, but K wants nothing to do with him and plans on filing a restraining order on him today. Such a pickle. But still leaves the question unanswered as to why he's calling me...

I talked to DK for about an hour last night. Turns out that he was actually calling to apologize to the way "things went down" with us. I accepted his apology and quickly let him know that forgiving him and befriending him are two different things. I can forgive without letting him back into my life.

And then, it came out... he was wanting me to be a friend and talk to K on his behalf. Saw that coming a mile away. So I quickly put out that fire. No. K is not my friend. DK is not my friend. Whatever is going on between them, doesn't involve me. I will not play games. I will not waste my time. DK kept denying that he wanted me in the middle of it, but when I simply stated "then what are you asking of me?" He had no choice but to realize he was indeed asking me to get in the middle of it.

I then told DK that if he was asking for my opinion about the situation, I will gladly give it to him. And I did. I just simply said, "step away. Get out." He went on to say how he loved her and that it wasn't that easy... and you may only guess what I told him... (wait for it...)

"True love, is given AND received, equally."

Silence followed that statement. I was right and there was no arguing with me.

If there is one thing that I know, I know this...if it is not equal, it is not love.

DK kept asking if we could be friends. To that I replied (please save your applause for the end)

"I used to have a problem dropping people. I do not have that problem anymore."
To which he said, "I guess you can thank me for that." And he's right. Between him and the STBX...I don't have a problem dropping people that just don't get it.
* good point made by a friend here... "I guess you can thank me for that" was credit taken where credit was not deserved. An attempt at "teaching me, helping me" when in fact... it was my call, my choice. Very very good point. Opinions always welcome from friends. Don't spare me.

So class our lesson from Counselor Carol today:
1) Give it straight. Be honest, but be respectful and loving and sensitive. (otherwise I might have to put you on my shit list with the STBX.)
2) You can forgive without befriending. You forgive for you, not them. (Forgive our tresspasses as we forgive those that tresspass against us.)
3) True love is giving and receiving, equally. (It's not one person loving the other, and the other filing a restraining order.)
4) If they just don't get it. Step away. Get out. Re-evaluate. Then move on. Purge old to receive new. (The future cannot move in, if we are clinging to the past. Make room.)
5) Do not give credit where credit is not deserved.

Amen.

Now go forth and plant seeds of love (I say as I have my head cocked to the left and spreading my arms out, palms up as the sun shines down upon my head. Ha.)