He restoreth my soul...

The green pastures are somewhat snow colored. The still waters are somewhat frozen. But once again my soul has been restored. There is so much that happened just last night, I'm going to try to organize it here. Bare with me.

Those that new me as "Mike the Dawg" over in AOL country (I freaked and deleted that entire blog), might have read about my yoga release last year.
Recap: Last Jan. Andrea and myself took a trip to L.A. to visit Trish, Robbie and Gigi. We both badly needed a soul restoring vacation and by mysterious ways we ended up in California. It never ceases to amaze me that we were indeed meant to go exactly there. Anyways, back to the yoga release. We all took a yoga class at Goda Yoga taught by my dear sweet Cheryl. Towards the end of the class, in corpse pose, my chin starts quivering and I start to cry. I'm choking back tears and I have no idea why on earth I am crying. I was fairly new to yoga and hadn't a clue what a Yoga release was. I almost made it out of the studio undetected. If it wasn't for that sneaky little Cheryl. She caught me and hugged me and said everything would be alright. Honest to Gawd, it was a life changing moment for me. I believe my soul was being prepared for what awaited me on my return home. (At that time I was clueless to any troubles in the marriage. Everything was hunky-dorey. Or so I thought until I returned home. Surprise!)

Anyways, where was I going with this? Ah yes.

I haven't mentioned much about my new business venture. A friend and I have been putting together a business plan. Last night we had a meeting with a couple of gals that have been established business owners for over 20 years and are looking for an partnership to include EXACTLY what we want to do. And yes, we were looking for EXACTLY what they themselves bring to the table as well. A chance meeting turned into a very exciting and spiritual dream. The possiblities are endless and for four people to be on the very same page is extremely rare and amazing. Even the city is re-developing a four street radius to host businesses such as this. It was a confirmation really. (I can't go into detail at the moment, I'll save the dream for another entry.)

Anyways, one of the possibilities mentioned was a garden. Anyone that knew "Mike the dawg" knew about my green thumb and the violated potatoes.
Recap: I LOVE to garden. I had to give up my garden when I left the STBX. It literally broke my heart walking away from my garden in the middle of the harvest season. The MIL and the STBX decided to harvest my potatoes. Too early might I add. They picked my gawd damn potatoes. That very act crushed me. Made me boil with anger. It literally made me cry. That was my garden. My work. My joy.

Anyways, the possibility of a garden came up in this business meeting last night. My friend Layli' looks at me, points to me and says "This girl loves to garden." Instantly my eyes start watering. Chin starts quivering. My heart jumps up in my throat. I'm in the middle of this meeting and I'm crying. Where did that come from? I had a vision of me in a garden. Of course I had to explain the reason I started crying. "Geesh I can't believe I'm crying over potatoes. I'm so sorry," I said. The women both look at me and say, "No, don't apologize. It's more than potatoes. Crying is a cleansing of the soul. When you get it out, it makes room for more love." I was waiting for Cheryl to pop out from around the corner at any time.

One of the last conversations I had with DK involved him telling me that crying should be reserved for "the birth of babies and the death of loved ones. That's it."
He basically told me I was out of control. I took that to heart. In the past couple of months I have tried to put my emotions in a box and not let them come out. Who am I kidding? I am a Pisces. My emotions are very much a part of me. I am not scared of my emotions. My emotions are valid no matter what they are. DK wasn't worthy. DK was not of the same caliber. He couldn't handle. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not an out of control, sobbing, emotional wreck. I am not that. But I am a very passionate person and I am not afraid to be exactly who I am. I am very much in touch. I feel with my heart. I can't believe that I almost listened to him. I almost tucked that away because of what he said. But then when I heard what the women said about tears being a "cleansing of the soul to make room for more love"... I realized that DK doesn't have a clue. DK can stand at the edge of the ocean with the STBX and wonder what the water feels like...I will swim with the sharks. As Ani says "I will take out my tampon and start splashing around." Thank you very much. I am not scared.

So there you have it. I was crying over violated potatoes in a business meeting and somehow my soul has been restored.