Single?

I had a date last night. Yup, met this hottie at the mall and we had dinner together and did some shopping. We had a great time. I think I'll move in with him. Oh, wait...I already did that last month.

I met SLJ after work for an official date. We went to this local Stir-Fry Grill where you mix up your own concoction of stir-fry and then pass it off to the grill to be cooked. It's fun. The first time I had went there was with Andi and I think I hated it. I think I didn't like it because it was too much work for a meal. I've been back several times since and it has grown on me. I knew SLJ would like it because he likes to experiment w/ foods. He was overwhelmed at first. Out of his comfort zone. But I was nice and walked him through it. Poor guy gets overwhelmed looking at a chinese menu, I knew he'd be anxious over the stir-fry buffet.

We talked about our first few dates with each other and laughed a lot. It seems like years ago and in reality it was only about 5 months ago. On our first date he didn't even try to hold my hand or kiss me. He says that I was too scary. Who whittle ole me? Scary? Aw. The fact that he didn't try to hold my hand or kiss me goodnight until our third date was the very reason I knew he was going to be mine. He was different. And he was truly good.

For anyone that has ever been on blind dates, seen "Must Love Dogs", read Danielle Steels novel "Dating Game", or are thinking about getting back into the dating field, then this is dedicated to you! Know that you are not alone. Train Wrecks are not prejudice. They happen to all of us.

I don't have much experience in the dating field, but I did learn a few valuable lessons. Of course it wasn't pleasant at the time, but now I can sit back and laugh about it. What a disaster.

(Names have been changed to protect the players.)

Player numero uno, shall we call him "GayBoy"? (Why not, that's sure to piss him off. But he deserves it. Shake your head yes "GayBoy." You must agree that you deserve it.)Anyways, I had actually known GB for a while. His sexuality was always in question by his peers, but then again, whose isn't. I thought nothing of it. One night I was out with my friends at my favorite dance club (that happens to be notorious for homosexuality, tranies and swingers) and who did I happen to run into but GB. The first thing out of his mouth was, and I quote, "I'm not gay." Should've sent the sirens off right there, but I was lonely and I really didn't care. So GB and I actually caught up on old times and started "dating." The whole time we "dated" I wanted to classify the arrangement. Were we boyfriend/girlfriend? Were we friends w/ benefits? Were we exclusive? The answers I got back went something like this..."We're having a good time right? We don't need to label anything. We're friends. No I'm not seeing anyone else currently. I don't date for sport. You're a great woman and a great mother" and so on and so forth. GB and I hung out for a few months. We really did have a lot of fun. He made me laugh constantly. GB was a funny guy. I knew I wasn't going to marry GB, but I did like spending time with him and thought fondly of him. Then somewhere around the 3 month mark, my eyes started opening. GB didn't have a steady job. GB had been in jail for assault (that he swore his innocense on.) GB had six bars of smelly good flowery soap in his shower. GB would get up and go to the restroom when the check came. GB had his attorney on speed dial. GB openly lied to his "friends" when it was in his best interest. GB was always on his god damned cell phone. GB had some questionable conduct. GB had "been with" several people. And the list goes on. On his behalf, GB was somewhat honest with me. He was a fun guy and introduced me to a few new ideas. He helped me with my self esteem and made me realize that I am a great mother.

So what went wrong? Well, I was trying to set up one of my work associates with one of GB's work associates which totally backfired on me and ended with my work associate set up with GB. How that happened right in front of my face, I'm totally not sure and no longer care. Our "relationship" ended tragically and I was pretty messed up after it did end. I found myself alone again and rejected not once, but twice. I had been deceived by my work associate and by GB. And I had to attend my company Christmas party stag. I was already still reeling from my separation w/ the STBX when GB announced that he didn't think I had "both feet planted firmly on the ground" and that I was "playing a victim." Hard blow. It was truly ugly. Now I look back at it, grateful for the fun times and laughter in a very low moment in my life. Grateful for the work GB had done on my vehicle fairly inexpensively. And grateful for what I learned and that was: the fact that I am a beautiful woman. I am a great mother. To trust my instincts. That I don't have to settle. That men w/ six bars of smelly good, flowery soap make better friends than boyfriends. And I can bounce back.

Player numero dos. Lets call him Brown. I still adore Brown. Brown was nice looking, financially together, had a great network of friends and was very nice to me. The bad thing about Brown was that he was a drama king, was still stuck on his old girlfriend. Brown was actually only two official "dates" and a few long phone conversations (all about his ex girlfriend). Brown is still a decent guy and I hope the best for him, but I was able to look clearly at that picture and clearly knew it wasn't for me. I was a couple of months out of the "relationship" w/ GB and had bounced back with new lessons so I was totally more than capable of handling Brown and whatever that was or wasn't. The funny thing about Brown though...he actually said I needed to be around the dating block longer. I needed a few more rejections on my belt. Yah. Ok. As if the STBX and GB hadn't taught me how to swim with the sharks. I pretty much rolled my eyes and moved on. I didn't need a relationship coach. I kinda got my first clue when I brought over a bottle of wine and Brown had to search his entire kitchen from top to bottom for wine glasses. Brown was still a little boy in big boy britches.

Player numero tres. I don't even want to go here... but I will only if to steer someone else far away from his type. Numero tres was my first date through the dating site. I was pretty excited. Numero tres looked really good on the outside. Had a great job, full custody of his child... he seemed to qualify. So we IM'd and spoke on the phone and met for pizza. I should've saw the warning signs when the IM's started getting a little racey. But alas, I was once again alone with nothing else to do. It was new, it was exciting, it was stupid and immature. Numero tres actually wrestled me. Numero tres put me in a head lock on our second date. I was completely astounded. I was wondering if I had been thrust into a time warp and landed in sixth grade again. Were we seriously wrestling. Wow.

I'm totally laughing my ass off right now.

Did I really go through all of those train wrecks? Yes. Yes I did. Dating totally sucks. But yes, it does make for good story telling.

And it does make you appreciate the SLJ's in the world. I would go through all of that again if it led me to my SLJ!! My SLJ who was too scared too kiss me good night until our third date.

My dating advise:
1. Trust your instincts. If he has quite the feminine flair and makes you question his sexuality... move on.
2. Never set your work associates up on blind dates or double dates. It's a bad, bad idea. Nothing good about it.
3. If your date gets up and goes to the bathroom when the check arrives...move on.
4. If you've specifically said that you'd bring the wine and your date is standing on top of his dryer scouring the cabinets for wine glasses...move on.
5. If your date talks about his ex the whole night...move on.
6. If your date starts giving you dating advise and coaching you on relationships...move on.
7. If your date puts you in a headlock or wants to arm wrestle...move on.
8. If you hear phrases like, "We're having fun aren't we?" or "Let's not label things"... get out quick.
9. Do not sacrifice your morals just to spend one less night alone.
10. Do not settle for anything less than what you want or what you deserve. Just don't. See the whole picture and if it's not what you had in mind... move on.

I'm not saying I'm a dating expert now because I dated a few men. I'm just telling my story and letting you know that we all cry over the train wrecks and that in the end, it seems to be really worth it. Swimming with the sharks seems to get you one hell of a nice catch.

And provides material for a funny story.