Mary Freakin Poppins

A couple of the things I detest about myself is the fact that I'm too nice and I always think of good comebacks after the fact.
Yesterday I met my STBX's girlfriend of almost 10 months. I was picking my kids up and she officially introduced herself. Kudos to her for introducing herself, but that didn't help her out in forming my first impression.
She practically ran out of her house, met me on the sidewalk and puked nicey nice all over me. I was stunned. STBX just stood behind her not saying a word. Stood behind her like her little boy toy. She evidentially is one of those fake, shallow, overly nice persons who most normal people would like to strangle. Or poke a spork in her eyeball.
So she runs out of the house, throws her hand out to me to shake, introduces herself like I've heard a zillion of her greatest accomplishments and then proceeds to tell me how great my children are. I swear it was a good thing I had my sunglasses on because I'm sure my expression would've given me away. Not impressed.
Sure, she was cute and thin (ug!) but, MY GOD, how fake. SLJ was sitting in the car witnessing the tragedy. He saw her, heard her and did one of these numbers "Oh. For. Real." and lowered his head so he wouldn't have to witness the ugliness.
I was waiting for her to invite me in and pour me a nice cold glass of fresh squeezed lemonade and we could sit and chat in her gazebo in the garden.
Or take a picnic in the park with her BFF Snow White.
Doubt if she's even heard of "Clutch" or "Rob Zombie."
I'm positive my SIL hates her.
I see bad times ahead for my Goth loving, long haired child and her.
I have to admit, I wasn't prepared. It threw me back a few steps. I wanted to go back and say something rude like "Yah my kids get it from their mother" or "I'm glad my kids are good for you, how's my husband been acting?"
I was just stunned that the STBX would be with someone like that. And then I thought about it for a moment and decided that indeed they were two peas in a pod. Only swimming in the kiddy pool.
She may be thinner... but I guarantee I'm having way better sex!!