365

"The Year of Patience."
It's a Baha'i thing.
Let me explain it a little bit (I am not Bahai, so please forgive any mistakes. This info comes to me second hand from Baha'i friends.)
"The Year of Patience" is basically about not pursuing any new relationships until you've refleced on the marriage, tried to work things out, gained control of self, centered your life around God and faith, learned about self, grieved the relationship if it is ending and have learned the value of self.
Here is an excerpt that I found online about it:
Divorce is strongly condemned in the Bahá’í Teachings. If, 211 however, antipathy or resentment develop between the marriage partners, divorce is permissible after the lapse of one full year. During this year of patience, the husband is obliged to provide for the financial support of his wife and children, and the couple is urged to strive to reconcile their differences. Shoghi Effendi affirms that both the husband and wife “have equal right to ask for divorce” whenever either partner “feels it absolutely essential to do so”.

This, I guess, takes a year.
365 days.
I totally understand the motivation behind such a thing as "The Year of Patience."
It's a "process."
It's also a general rule and guideline for the masses created by, well, man.
Just like any other religious "rule".

But alas I will reflect once more:
I was married to a mysogynist.
When it came down to it, my looks mattered more than who I was inside.
I was not in an unconditional love based marriage.
I reflected and tried my hardest to work things out for 6 months before I left the marriage.
It took us another month to make the final decision of divorce.
We had several discussions with each other in that month on what we wanted and what we felt before we finally decided to end the marriage.
We both jumped into other relationships. I re-formed a friendship (w/ benefits) with someone I have known for 10+ years.
That friendship was not what I thought it was and got ugly quickly.
I grieved that loss of friendship at the same time I was greiving my marriage.
Instead of dwelling on the ugly part, I identified with what I had gained.
I gained empowerment and presentation.
I learned how to give baggage back.
I learned that I am a great mother.
I learned that not everyone is trustworthy.
I learned to trust my instincts, because they are 99.9% right 99.9% of the time.
I learned how to say No and voice my opinion.
I learned all of this from that one relationship.

I had a few (and by a few, I mean 3) dates here and there.
From those dates I gained more knowledge.
I learned not to settle.
I learned how to talk honestly and openly with a man.
I learned that I am most definitely not a prude.
I learned how to identify and cut my losses without feeling rejection or self doubt.
I learned all of that from 3 dates.

I had one person tell me that I need to figure out what I want.
She said that I need to know what it is I like to do on a Saturday morning.
She said I needed to know what color I wanted to paint my bedroom.
Simple things like that, I needed to know before I could move on.
At that moment, I already knew the simple things...
I like to lounge in my PJ's on a Saturday morning, drink my coffee and sit on the porch.
And brown. I want to paint my kitchen brown.
I want purple and red in bathroom.
I want to hang my batik on the wall.
I don't care for steak.
I like Wendys cheeseburgers.
I can do without Ben & Jerrys.
I like chocolate chip cookie dough.
I like thinly sliced cucumbers on my sandwiches.
Point is, I know exactly who I am and I know exactly what I like.
I've already crawled out of that abyss.
Check "know self" off the list.
Not an issue.

I took a little weekend trip to the Casino by myself. Just me and the open road. No direction. Just confidence and peace of mind.I learned that I could indeed be alone and have fun.

The Year of Patience...365 days to process.
It's been 376+ days since my heart was torn to shreds.
It's been 270+ days since I left my marriage.
It's been 120+ days since I've finished greiving the loss.
But who's counting?

I strived to reconcile. 6 months and lots of tears.
I have greived the relationship. Over it. I'm not bitter anymore. I don't even remember him anymore.
I have reflected on the relationship and identified my own faults. And I've accepted those faults.
I have learned about self and the value of self. I am exactly who I want to be.
I am beautiful because I am beautiful.
I have mastered the art of patience. It's been a long 9 months keeping an eye out for the light at the end of the tunnel.
I know how to stand my ground.
I have made more friends than I've ever had in my life.
I do not regret a thing.
I have accepted everything.
I know my boundaries and I will tell you if you cross it.

The only "issue" I deal with now is a mothers guilt. That's a heavy burden to carry. That's the burden we carry the instant we give birth until forever.

I have met a man who is everything I could ever want in a person. I adore him. I have no doubts about him. Not one.I have decided to move in with him and continue my path with him right beside me.

I have had my 365 days of patience and then some.
I am at peace and I am living my life fully.
I'm not just okay...I am great.

*Point is...It's MY process and MY timeline and MY experience. When I ask for you to listen, just listen. I didn't ask for advise and I didn't ask for opinions. I just asked you to listen.