Saturn in Review
I know I’m a bit premature here, but I’ve recently been reviewing this past year. I’ve been putting things into perspective: Where I was this time last year vs. Where I am now.
Let me just say that it’s been quite the year. I’ve come a long way if I do say so myself!
Just a snapshot of my year:
December 2004 – This time last year I was in a major depression. I had been on Prozac (or the likes of) for almost 2 years and I just couldn’t kick it. Winter hit me harsh and I needed to get away and needed to bring myself together.
Andi and I started planning a trip together. We didn’t know where we were going at first, all I wanted was a week without responsibility, lots of sunshine and maybe some palm trees.
January 2005 - Somehow we (Andi & I) ended up in California (after asking Trishy if she was a psychopath killer) and made some beautiful friendships with some J-land girls. Thus started the “Yakkies” and the beginning of life long friendships. I got a whole lot more than sunshine and palm trees didn’t I. Even though I haven’t seen those Yakkie girls for almost a year…we’ve still remained together throughout the year.
In January 2005, I also started a Yoga class for the first time. I love Yoga. I haven’t been able to make it to a class since August and I miss it very much!
February 2005 – I came back from California with a whole new perspective on life. I began reading my most cherished book “Silencing the Self: Women and Depression.” A lot of things started clicking for me and I stopped my anti-depressant and have not been back on it since.
February is my birth month. I turned 28. I was in my Saturn cycle. If you know anything about being 28 and being in “your Saturn”…then you know what this means. “Hold on, it’s gonna be quite the ride.”
Last February is also when I met my beloved Layli’. She knows all about being 28 and in your Saturn and she’s been a good listener and a good hugger. Layli’ came to Indiana from Hawaii the year before. Our paths didn’t really cross until February when I was trying to explain my “yoga release” and the friendships I made in California. Layli’ just looked at me and said “That’s beautiful” with full understanding in her eyes. From that day forward Layli’ and I have been very close and shared the roller coaster of this past year together.
Last but not least, February was the time when Mars let me in on the little secret that he wasn’t happy in our marriage and hadn’t been for a long, long time. It’s all in the timing. I ask myself, “What would I have done if I hadn’t have had my Yakkies and my beloved Layli’ to help me thru?” “Could I have handled that information just a couple of months before when I was severely depressed?” – Everything happens when it’s supposed to happen.
March 2005 – In March, Layli’ and I started a fitness plan together. My yoga instructor and good friend Jennifer made up a fitness plan and kept us motivated. I lost 20 lbs by July. I’ve bought myself several pairs of size 6 jeans. Layli’ lost tons and is still losing to this day, she’s looking at size 4’s and 5’s.
April 2005 – In April, Mars and I took my whole family to Chicago over spring break. My mom, dad, brother and his family. It was a great time. We stayed at a great hotel by the lake, visited The Field Museum and Rainforest Café.
In April, Mars and I started our very short lived visits to a marriage counselor. Counseling didn’t work out so well for us.
May 2005 – Andi grew big balls and headed off to live in California. It was a very sad day for me to let her go, but I knew she would be in good hands with the rest of The Yakkies.
In May, I also became a “soccer mom.” My youngest finally got his chance to play soccer. We spent several weekends on the soccer field.
July 2005 – July Mars and I had our 11th wedding anniversary. I say “had” not “celebrated”. July was when the time came for me to leave Mars. We spent the previous five months in pure hell trying hard to overcome our marriage problems and not getting anywhere. Five months of red hot anger, lots and lots of tears and a couple of nights spent on our own. Five months of trying our hardest to fix the bonds that were broken. I grew tired and I had to quit. The boys and I moved in with my parents towards the end of July and we remain there today almost five months later.
July was also about the time when my Morelli and I became very good friends. He talked me thru a lot of my turmoil during that time. Morelli clued me into what love really was. I learned a lot from Morelli…he’s one of the men in my life that isn’t afraid of swimming in the deep end. It’s really a shame (for me) that Morelli is already spoken for. That would be my luck, but at least someone is a very, very lucky woman.
September 2005 – Mars and I decided to put our house on the market. It was time for us to both let go. September was a month for acceptance, for all of us. Mars started dating and so did I (sort of). I met Donkey Kong in September. We had a few months of lots of fun and laughter. Even though my friendship with Donkey Kong is over, and ended somewhat badly, I am still grateful for the fun we had together. I learned a lot from Donkey Kong, but Donkey Kong decided he couldn’t swim with the sharks.
September was the month my oldest son broke his arm. My ten year old suddenly needed his “mommy” again. He had his cast on for 6 weeks.
October 2005 – October is usually my favorite month because of Halloween. This year was different. I was cramped and tired. I wasn’t in the Halloween spirit. I made the best of it but was glad to see it go.
In October I had lots of work done to my Jeep as well. I was in DIRE need of new tie rods and tires. My Jeep was actually dangerous to drive, but when money is low all you can do is pray for safety. I was able to get all of the work done on my Jeep for under cost thanks to Donkey Kong, his connections and his time. I will always be truly appreciative of that.
November 2005 – November was Spell Bowl month. My oldest son had made the spell bowl team and they placed 2nd in the competition. This was a huge deal. This will probably be his last year at this school and it was something he had wanted since 4th grade.
December 2005 – Although December is not yet over I can pretty well summarize it. My babies have turned a year older. I am still waiting for our house to sell, but I have a peace it will happen soon. I am looking forward to being in another new house very soon. I am grateful for all of the wonderful friendships I’ve made this year and looking forward to the ones I’ll make next year. I am planning my trip back to California to see my Yakkies and give them big hugs (and probably shedding a few tears.) My divorce should be final by the end of January 2006. Mars and I are handling everything very nicely.As I look back thru my year, in my Saturn, I do not regret anything. I realize that things happen when they are supposed to. I am grateful for this time I’ve had to live and learn and to grow. I am nowhere near where I was at this time last year (mentally or physically). I am stronger. I am healthier.
Let me just say that it’s been quite the year. I’ve come a long way if I do say so myself!
Just a snapshot of my year:
December 2004 – This time last year I was in a major depression. I had been on Prozac (or the likes of) for almost 2 years and I just couldn’t kick it. Winter hit me harsh and I needed to get away and needed to bring myself together.
Andi and I started planning a trip together. We didn’t know where we were going at first, all I wanted was a week without responsibility, lots of sunshine and maybe some palm trees.
January 2005 - Somehow we (Andi & I) ended up in California (after asking Trishy if she was a psychopath killer) and made some beautiful friendships with some J-land girls. Thus started the “Yakkies” and the beginning of life long friendships. I got a whole lot more than sunshine and palm trees didn’t I. Even though I haven’t seen those Yakkie girls for almost a year…we’ve still remained together throughout the year.
In January 2005, I also started a Yoga class for the first time. I love Yoga. I haven’t been able to make it to a class since August and I miss it very much!
February 2005 – I came back from California with a whole new perspective on life. I began reading my most cherished book “Silencing the Self: Women and Depression.” A lot of things started clicking for me and I stopped my anti-depressant and have not been back on it since.
February is my birth month. I turned 28. I was in my Saturn cycle. If you know anything about being 28 and being in “your Saturn”…then you know what this means. “Hold on, it’s gonna be quite the ride.”
Last February is also when I met my beloved Layli’. She knows all about being 28 and in your Saturn and she’s been a good listener and a good hugger. Layli’ came to Indiana from Hawaii the year before. Our paths didn’t really cross until February when I was trying to explain my “yoga release” and the friendships I made in California. Layli’ just looked at me and said “That’s beautiful” with full understanding in her eyes. From that day forward Layli’ and I have been very close and shared the roller coaster of this past year together.
Last but not least, February was the time when Mars let me in on the little secret that he wasn’t happy in our marriage and hadn’t been for a long, long time. It’s all in the timing. I ask myself, “What would I have done if I hadn’t have had my Yakkies and my beloved Layli’ to help me thru?” “Could I have handled that information just a couple of months before when I was severely depressed?” – Everything happens when it’s supposed to happen.
March 2005 – In March, Layli’ and I started a fitness plan together. My yoga instructor and good friend Jennifer made up a fitness plan and kept us motivated. I lost 20 lbs by July. I’ve bought myself several pairs of size 6 jeans. Layli’ lost tons and is still losing to this day, she’s looking at size 4’s and 5’s.
April 2005 – In April, Mars and I took my whole family to Chicago over spring break. My mom, dad, brother and his family. It was a great time. We stayed at a great hotel by the lake, visited The Field Museum and Rainforest Café.
In April, Mars and I started our very short lived visits to a marriage counselor. Counseling didn’t work out so well for us.
May 2005 – Andi grew big balls and headed off to live in California. It was a very sad day for me to let her go, but I knew she would be in good hands with the rest of The Yakkies.
In May, I also became a “soccer mom.” My youngest finally got his chance to play soccer. We spent several weekends on the soccer field.
July 2005 – July Mars and I had our 11th wedding anniversary. I say “had” not “celebrated”. July was when the time came for me to leave Mars. We spent the previous five months in pure hell trying hard to overcome our marriage problems and not getting anywhere. Five months of red hot anger, lots and lots of tears and a couple of nights spent on our own. Five months of trying our hardest to fix the bonds that were broken. I grew tired and I had to quit. The boys and I moved in with my parents towards the end of July and we remain there today almost five months later.
July was also about the time when my Morelli and I became very good friends. He talked me thru a lot of my turmoil during that time. Morelli clued me into what love really was. I learned a lot from Morelli…he’s one of the men in my life that isn’t afraid of swimming in the deep end. It’s really a shame (for me) that Morelli is already spoken for. That would be my luck, but at least someone is a very, very lucky woman.
September 2005 – Mars and I decided to put our house on the market. It was time for us to both let go. September was a month for acceptance, for all of us. Mars started dating and so did I (sort of). I met Donkey Kong in September. We had a few months of lots of fun and laughter. Even though my friendship with Donkey Kong is over, and ended somewhat badly, I am still grateful for the fun we had together. I learned a lot from Donkey Kong, but Donkey Kong decided he couldn’t swim with the sharks.
September was the month my oldest son broke his arm. My ten year old suddenly needed his “mommy” again. He had his cast on for 6 weeks.
October 2005 – October is usually my favorite month because of Halloween. This year was different. I was cramped and tired. I wasn’t in the Halloween spirit. I made the best of it but was glad to see it go.
In October I had lots of work done to my Jeep as well. I was in DIRE need of new tie rods and tires. My Jeep was actually dangerous to drive, but when money is low all you can do is pray for safety. I was able to get all of the work done on my Jeep for under cost thanks to Donkey Kong, his connections and his time. I will always be truly appreciative of that.
November 2005 – November was Spell Bowl month. My oldest son had made the spell bowl team and they placed 2nd in the competition. This was a huge deal. This will probably be his last year at this school and it was something he had wanted since 4th grade.
December 2005 – Although December is not yet over I can pretty well summarize it. My babies have turned a year older. I am still waiting for our house to sell, but I have a peace it will happen soon. I am looking forward to being in another new house very soon. I am grateful for all of the wonderful friendships I’ve made this year and looking forward to the ones I’ll make next year. I am planning my trip back to California to see my Yakkies and give them big hugs (and probably shedding a few tears.) My divorce should be final by the end of January 2006. Mars and I are handling everything very nicely.As I look back thru my year, in my Saturn, I do not regret anything. I realize that things happen when they are supposed to. I am grateful for this time I’ve had to live and learn and to grow. I am nowhere near where I was at this time last year (mentally or physically). I am stronger. I am healthier.
posted by tiny dancer | 12:21 PM
2 Comments:
Wow. What a year for both us.
As you know, I can also say that I am stronger and better. I had to get that way! Fast! And it was scary and traumatic, but there you go. I am still in the process of learning who I really am AND ... learning to like who I am (the really hard part, the part that they never tell you in school is an ongoing part).
Here's to the girls we were, the girls we are now ... and the girls we will be tomorrow. CHEERS!
Wow, and all I've seemed to do this past year is grow older. May next year be better and guided by Eros or something equally exciting.
:-)
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